Let Go Of These 8 Things To Become A Happier Parent

Discussion in 'Kinacle Blog Posts' started by Kinacle (Bot), Jan 5, 2018.

  1. Kinacle (Bot)

    Kinacle (Bot) Member

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  2. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    Great tips, I agree that worrying is common about children while growing them up as they say too much is bad for everything. I must confess that I am one of them who worries too much about my daughter and have felt it that it reduces the confidence level of the child. If you would not let them take the initiative and act on their part even on smaller things they would never learn how to do things correctly. The other thing that we should avoid is to expect them something which is beyond their capability. It's like having our own unfulfilled wishes fulfilled through them which is not fair by any means.
     
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  3. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Ah, comparison... It's so hard not to compare our kids with others, and even with the brothers. I wish I could let go indeed. Caring what others think it's also huge for kids, and taking that out of their heads is literally mission impossible. Great article, good points mentioned and tips. :)
     
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  4. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    Guilt was a big one that jumped out at me and maybe it is for personal reasons, but that is certainly a tough one. That is a good list though and covers quite the spectrum, but I like it.
     
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  5. joey_2tep

    joey_2tep New Member

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    Caring what others think has been part of the culture here in our country. We always want others to see how good we are and we are scared to let them know how we how we fail. That is actually how my family lived with and most of the families here as well. Now I am seeing it as a really big mistake and needs to end from me. What really impacted me is guilt and over worrying which I think goes with most of the parents. No parent wants their children to get hurt or to be in unsafe situation and I think It is normal for a parent to feel this way. I will try to lessen the guilt and worrying too much and hopefully will have a good result.
     
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  6. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    I absolutely agree with this. No two children have the same abilities therefore comparing or expecting something which is beyond your child's capacity is not only unwanted and ridiculous but give your child a sense of inferiority complex and they will never come out of it. The result, they will do even worse than what they really can do. So, let them do what they like best. After all everyone has a limitation.
     
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  7. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Yeah, but whenever my kids gets home with his school grades, I tend to immediately ask how much did his colleagues I know had, so it's something I need to get rid of. In a way, I believe that we are putting pressure on them, and making them give more importance to others than they should.
     
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  8. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    That's one of the reasons that some our education systems have removed marking system to grade system. They do not give marks but give grades to asses children's qualification. So no one knows if a child got 89 or 88 out of 100 if they both got A grade. They are Given A1, A2, B1, B2 etc which only gives a rough idea.
     
  9. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Yeah, in my country we still gave 0 to 100. I don't give much importance to it, and as the song said, "straight As is brain damage", but I would really like him to focus, to be able to concentrate for more than 2 minutes straight haha, that seems to be his biggest difficulty.
     
  10. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    I agree that worrying too much for our kids is not good for their personal development. We should give them room to grow so they'll learn to become independent and self-reliant. After all, you wouldn't want to be fetching and doing everything for them when they become adult,s and you're old and often tired.
     
  11. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    My worst fault is over worrying. I am just awful if my granddaughter goes on a school trip. I think the coach will crash, she will get lost or left behind, the list is endless! I know it's not good but that is the way I am made and nothing will ever stop me!

    I don't so much compare her progress at school although I think I used to with my first born. I really think that as long as they do their best that's all that matters.
     
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  12. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    You could probably start by not caring about what other people say about you or your family, especially if it's not true. If you care too much about it, you will only get stressed.

    As for parents not wanting their children to get hurt, I agree. We are often paranoid that something bad could happen to them (at least for me) so we become over protective. When you feel and see that your child is already capable of doing some things on his/her own, then it's okay to let them. We could start to let go of worry one step at a time :)
     
  13. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Comparing our kids with each other is not good for their personality development (I am guilty of this sometimes) so I do my best to live with the kind of personality and ability they have without comparing them with their siblings or other kids. You're right Mika, they would have inferiority complex. I would say parents should be mindful of how they treat kids, too.
     
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  14. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Yes, that kind of puts pressure on them and may make them uncertain about showing their grades to you next time. Now, you know what to do.

    On my part, I didn't pressure them to be on top of their class. I just let them be, with what they can because not all kids have the same abilities - some are better performers while some are just average, even slow. We should adjust our expectations so we will not get disappointed.
     
  15. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    You're not alone, littlewitch66. I am also like that with my kids. I always hated sending my older boys to school trips even when they were already in college. I am paranoid that accidents could happen along the way, or like you, that they could be left behind. It's difficult to get rid of these worries because we love them so much and wouldn't want harm to come to them. I also do not allow them to go swimming if I'm not with them, even if it's my brothers and sisters who will be taking them along. That's how paranoid I am, haha. I can't help it either.

    As for grades, I just let them be with what they can as long as all their grades are passing grades.
     
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  16. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I think it's just part of being a mum. I'm ok with swimming as long as it is a supervised pool but I worry when we go to the coast even though she can swim.

    The school is taking my granddaughter's class to a theme park called Thorpe Park as a treat as they are in their last year at primary school. It has these awful high rides (which I hate) so I am dreading it.:(
     
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  17. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    I agree with @littlewitch66 that some parents are too cautious when it comes to safety of their children but that's natural isn't it? I am almst the same and wish I was little lesser careless as it would give my daughter a little more self-confidence or little more dependent on others for everything. Children learn to take their own decision when they get a free hand to do so. If you will hold your hands when crossing a road they will never learn how to cross a road. I would rather allow them to push the button and wait for the greenlights for paddlers and let them cross on their own. Same goes for swimming and other sports.
     
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  18. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    Yes that is absolutely just a natural part of being a parent but we all know those people who go a little too far, but at the same time you never know a person's background and what might drive them to be that way, so I cannot blame anyone for anything like that. All you can do is prepare to the best that you can.
     
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  19. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    Absolutely, if a group of parents is more careful there is nothing wrong. It only shows their love for their children and nothing else. Maybe they had gone through certain bad experiences themselves or came across related news with bad incidents. So everyone on their on and free to deal with the situation as they feel best. However, giving the children little freedom makes them more confident toward the life and able to handle the situation better.
     
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  20. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Oh yes, a pool is definitely better than the beach, still I am not so sure about sending my younger kids with family members even on a pool. I would always want to be there.

    Are parents/grandparents not allowed to join their kids/grandkids to the trip? I would feel much better if I accompany my younger kids on school trips.
     
  21. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    I am sure it is just natural for parents to be overly cautious. I would rather be paranoid than careless about my child's safety.

    It's true kids need to be allowed to do things on their own so they'll learn to be independent but that would depend on their age and the kind of activity they would engage in.
     
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  22. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    I totally agree with you, Holmes22. With so many things happening these days, even in places we thought our kids are safe (like in schools), we can't help but be overprotective. It's a natural parental instinct. And yes, all we can do is teach them what to do and hope things turn out for the best if worse comes to worst.
     
  23. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    No we cannot accompany our children on school trips. I would feel better if we could but I suppose if they allowed one parent to do it they would have to allow many and I don't think the coach would be big enough. I just have to sit at home and worry!:(
     
  24. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    The younger one, I just let him be, he's extremely organized and knows what to do.

    The older one, I mean, we work with him a lot, and he still comes home with 24% on a test, so what can we do really? Each kid has his own personality...
     
  25. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    It's impossible to be a super parent. My wife and I we're able to raise our children according to the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We're spiritually fed parents. We believe that family can be together forever.

    It happens one time that we felt frustrated for we're unable to give our children what other parents are giving to their children. Since we're poor we can't afford to do so. Later we realized that it's not good to compare ourselves to other. Therefore we have lived within our means. And we're happy about it.
     
  26. Polina Kravchenko

    Polina Kravchenko Member

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    some of these things are hard to let go but necessary indeed!
     

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