As a young person what made you feel you were ready for the pregnancy journey

Discussion in 'Pregnancy' started by Merlizy, Oct 29, 2017.

  1. Merlizy

    Merlizy New Member

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    Am in my early twenties and my girlfriend of the same age bracket is pregnant. The courageous feeling I had before it all happened is all gone. When I figure my life it not worked out.
    I don't feel like am ready to be part of this journey with her.
    Kindly advise.
     
  2. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    I got married at 25 and already had fun being single so I would say I was already ready to face the responsibilities of married life. At your age (I believe you're 21), you're just beginning with your life's adventures and supposedly enjoying singlehood. However, the situation you're in is not something you can easily get rid of because it's a baby's life that is involved. Eventually, you'll have to face the consequences of your action and act responsibly so your child will not despise you when he/she grows up and learn you have turned your back on him/her the moment he/she was conceived. Try to put yourself in his/her situation and think about how you would have felt if your dad abandoned you when you were just a baby. What would you feel towards him now that you're a grown up?

    I'm not saying you have to get married or marry your girlfriend if you do not want that kind of commitment. But you have to be ready to face your responsibilities with the baby - financial support, emotional support for your girlfriend, child-rearing. You can do those things even if you're not married. Of course, you need to tell your parents about it because they'll be able to tell you what to do. You can also ask them to accompany you to your girlfriend's to talk about the situation with her parents.

    Just to share, my older brother got married pretty young - 18 or 19. When his wedding day came, he didn't want to go to church and was crying saying he didn't want to get married after all, haha. Eventually, my parents and uncle were able to convince him to get married. Unfortunately, things went sour with his wife after several years so they're now separated, but he adores his four kids like crazy and owned up to his responsibility to them from the beginning. All his kids are now college graduates and earning a living. If he had turned his back on them, his kids' lives may have gone to the dump. Can your conscience handle such a thing, see your child begging in the streets if your girlfriend can't support him/her? Or if she and her family are able to support the child, can you handle the rejection later on when you're ready to face your responsibility but your child does not want anything to do with you?
     
  3. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Active Member

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    This thread is a good read for young women. I find many of them getting pregnant even when they are not 18 yet. Our society is so permissive now that pregnancy is just like a whim by the youngsters and marriage is not of value anymore. What I'm saying is the unmarried couples do their thing and if the girl gets pregnant, it's just okay unlike before when the parents would get mad.
     
  4. Kieranlewix

    Kieranlewix Member

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    I agree with this 100%. As much as it may seem so hard to support her now, in a few years your kid will have reached an age where he/she will be able to form an opinion about the father. If you mess up now your kid will hate you for the rest of their life or even not know you. Marriage is one of the biggest decisions in life and it either opens doors or closes them. To some, it's the beginning of a loving and peaceful era while it feels like being shackled to one person, to others. The wisest thing would be to put on your bigboy pants and own up to this. The road will definitely be tough even with the help of your and her parents but it will be worth it.
     
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  5. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Well said @Kieranlewix. Everything you said is so true. @Merlizy may not realize it at this time that being responsible for his kid will be so worth it in the future, but I hope he makes sense of the things we're saying. A child's love for his/her parent is something wonderful beyond anything in this world, but VERY PAINFUL if he/she deprives or witholds it from you due to cowardice. So as @Kieranlewix said, "...put on your bigboy pants and own up to this". Goodluck!
     
  6. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    It is so sad to note indeed that while humanity advances in technological breakthroughs and modernization, it's the opposite thing that's happening with human values. Most people have become so modern and open-minded in their thinking about what matters most to society that it has become so permissive :(
     
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  7. nangk08

    nangk08 Active Member

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    Well, I guess you are simply shrugging off your responsibility and leaving your girlfriend when she needs you the most! You could have given some more thought to this before getting her pregnant! Imagine how lost and abandoned she would feel and later on, your child! You would do the best thing if you own up to your responsibility and take care of them both. Maybe you could talk things out with her and your parents and seek help regarding future and how you should face the financial matters.
     
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  8. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    Although this situation might seem scary you a this point you may find that once you set eyes on that little bundle that is part of you, your whole perspective will change. None of us, no matter what age, can be completely prepared for those feelings when a child is born.

    I was once in a similar situation when I became pregnant due to failed contraception. My partner did not want a child and I thought I would be left to cope alone but once he saw her, he melted and has been the best dad anyone could ask for. It may be the same for you.
     
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  9. Elsa

    Elsa Starlight Baby Employee Staff Member

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    Wow! I'm really glad to hear everything turned out great for you and your baby. I totally agree with you that a baby can melt even the hardest of hearts. So happy for you and your family :)
     
  10. AmieBotella

    AmieBotella Member

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    For me there is no right age to to say that you are quite ready and ripe to build a family. I had my family when I was 27 and my husband was 30. You could say that we're quite ready when you based it on age. But we were both afraid to build one. Why? Because it's a big step for anyone to become responsible adults and hope that you can both join hands into raising the family we all desire to have. We had our baby unexpectedly too. We were just planning to get married first and let a year pass and then start to have kids. But fate had other plans. I got pregnant right away and I was in not even aware I was pregnant then and when my suspicions were confirmed, I started to panic. My husband did too. Because we lay out the plan and it was not how it went. We're not emotionally ready and we're also not yet financially stable. But you know what? Once you embraced the fact that you're going to be a parent soon, things will just fall in place. in the process we somehow learned to adjust and prepared ourselves. Even though we're responsible adults based on we both have decent jobs, somehow, directing our minds with the family we're building gave us direction. The idea of having a baby gave us a clearer outlook in the future.

    It was a scary idea at first, let me tell you that. Nothing will ever prepare you for family building until you're in the moment of experiencing it. Sometimes when you think you're ready, you might find yourself not ready still. And it's okay. You just have to have faith in your ability to become a better person as a parent for the coming child and be a better half for your girlfriend. Do not wallow in the things that didn't turn out for you. Remember, things really do happen at the right moment and the right time. My time may not be your time, or in a clearer translation, my age may not be your age into becoming a parent so do not use any barometer to measure your own capabilities based on others. Instead focus on the situation in front of you. In every big turn in life, always ask yourself, "how can I deal with this better?" and you'll be surprised that once you decided to stand up, you'll realize that you can do it. Nothing good comes easy. Everything in this life that is hard to do reaps good results. So stay positive and you can do this.
     

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