Fatherless kids

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by remnant, Dec 10, 2017.

  1. remnant

    remnant Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    16
    There is this issue of kids who were born out of wedlock in varying circumstances. At some point, they become inquisitive and demand to know their fathers. Reality dawns on them as they grow up but it can't be categorized as pleasant. How to handle such children?
     
  2. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2016
    Messages:
    373
    Likes Received:
    56
    I really wish that it were an ideal world and every kid had the support of two, or more, parents but that is not always the case as we all know. I would like to think it is easier these days than in the past, but then again maybe it is actually harder depending on the circumstance.
     
  3. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2016
    Messages:
    576
    Likes Received:
    219
    I know of so many children here with no fathers. It may be brought about by the permissive society that marriage seemed not to be respected anymore. Couples just live together, bear children and then they separate later. No problem because they are not married. But what happens tio the children?
     
    Jason76 likes this.
  4. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2016
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    61
    The effect has been so bad wherever it's happened - that it's becoming undeniable.

    I suppose male role models will be needed as replacements - and it's urgent - because so many of those kids develop anti-social behavior.

    Anyway, I'd like to add that mother neglect, even for a male child, seems equally bad. It happened in my family - the result was massive anti-social behavior, though, the absent mother wasn't the total problem.
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2017
  5. Rmarsh1984

    Rmarsh1984 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2017
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    9
    It isn't pleasant for children or their mothers when the parents get divorced, and the father decides that he no longer has to be a part of his children's lives. This was the case in my family. My brother ended up a rebellious child, then teen, getting into some serious trouble. My mom's lack of control over him resulted in overcompensation against me for small things I would do. I would get worse punishment than he would for something serious that he did, for some minor little incident. This broke the relationship with my mother. I ended up just hiding in my room all the time, afraid to ask to do things with friends because I knew that something would happen while I was away that would cause me trouble when I got home, even though it had nothing to do with me.
    It isn't easy to bring up children, and when you're doing it singlehanded, the best choices aren't always made. It wasn't my mother's choice to have no child support from our father. They married young, and grew apart. Obviously my father thought it would be easier to just abandon us, than to continue being a part of our lives. It possibly just hurt too much emotionally to be reminded of what was every time he saw us.
    I don't think being unmarried has anything to do with it. It is people and their own selfishness much of the time that causes abandonment. The woman may have some relationship problem with the man and retaliate by keeping the child from him. The man may hurt the woman by forsaking the child. Society today is very self centered and many people feel entitled. I think this is the root problem of single parent families in a lot of cases.
     
    Jason76 likes this.
  6. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2016
    Messages:
    269
    Likes Received:
    56
    It is easy to trace the father of those children, if they have been formally adopted and with documents to support it. However for those fatherless children who have no record, it seems difficult to trace their biological father. Nevertheless there is still a solution. I know some of those children have their own relatives to contact with. There relatives could give them the right information about their father. If not, their neighbors or those people who happened to take of them before they grow up and live by their own.
     
  7. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2017
    Messages:
    328
    Likes Received:
    98
    The latest trend is having no mothers. Here some celebrities have decided to use IVF and produce children where the one who carries that child to fruition is not known. I wonder what the plight of that child will be when they come know the truth.
     
  8. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2017
    Messages:
    353
    Likes Received:
    174
    My nephew grew up without his father present and he is a really nice lad. He knew who his father was but never wanted to contact him because he knew that he had walked out on his mum without a word one day when he was around 2 years. Recently his father died but he didn't shed any tears as he didn't remember him. To him he was just a stranger.
     
  9. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2016
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    61
    I have many liberal views, but the whole two-parent thing is simply provable science. It's the main source of so many social problems and it's way more important than things like economic oppression. However, though, many continue to deny it, mainly because they might view it as some avoidance issue when talking about things like say, poverty in the US inner-city. I mean, if there is police brutality, then some conservative might throw in "family values" to ignore the issue.
     
  10. to7update

    to7update Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2016
    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    75
    Kids with no father have in theory a harder job, but if we compare them with a really bad father, I mean, someone they would be better off with, what can we say about that? It's all a matter of making the best with what we have, in that case the mother would have to be mum and dad, but at the same time it would also depend on the family support she would have.
     
  11. Miches

    Miches Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2016
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    43
    It will be best for the mother to tell the truth when she feels that the child is prepared to hear it. An inquisitive child will likely not stop unless he gets the information he wants and he might get the wrong impression if he tries to find out from the wrong people. I guess it will all vary with the actual circumstances, but if the father has not been visible in a child's life all along, he usually can't be expected to care. The child may face rejection if they ever attempt to communicate with the father and that could hurt him/her for life.
     
  12. tallulah

    tallulah Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2017
    Messages:
    180
    Likes Received:
    53
    I think there are many different ways one can approach this issue based on the circumstances. If the father died of natural causes, then it becomes a bit easier to tell the kid(s). However, if there are other circumstances like violence, abandonment, etc, it might be difficult to explain to the child why the father is not around or available. Fathers are a very important figure in the home but it doesnt mean a child will be scarred for life if they don't have a father growing up.
     

Share This Page