Do you keep a watch on who your child's best friend is?

Discussion in 'Kids' started by iamawriter, Apr 17, 2018.

  1. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    All of us have gone through this in that we always had who we called our best friend right from the day we started school. You would see your kid bringing home their best friend. Would you just accept the situation or try and find out the child's background?
     
  2. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    It is best for the parents to know the kind of friend of their children. There is a saying that birds of the same feather flock together. We have the so called bad influence kids that we wouldn't want for our kids and how would we know if we don't see who their friends are. From my experience, I learned smoking because of my friends who were smokers when I was in high school. And looking back, if my friends were non-smokers then I wouldn't have learned smoking.
     
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  3. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    It is easier to handle small kids where they are more obedient. Having said that if that 'best friend' happens to be around every single day I wonder how this can be done. Changing the scene could be an option but may not be feasible.
     
  4. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    With my own children I usually already knew the parents from chatting in the school playground so it wasn't really a problem. However my granddaughter has had a few friends that I did not like so I didn't let her go to their houses. She found out for herself in the end that they were not particularly nice kids so the friendships disappeared.With her good friends I know the parents really well so there is no problem. I know she is safe when she is with them.

    Of course the teenage years will be another challenge as she will be out on her own more and coming into contact with people who smoke and swear. I think we can only guide them but in the end it is down to them. We just have to hope they make the right choices
     
  5. Mr.Kay

    Mr.Kay New Member

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    I believe everyone has been through this and many are the times have parents criticized on the type of friends we do have.
    Just knowing a bit or two about your child's best friend will only get your relationship with your child much stronger as well as the friends.
     
  6. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    That's natural for the parents who care for their children. They don't want their children be influenced by the bad company or friends with bad or deliquent records.

    I remember when I went home late in the evening my mother was too curious to know who are my companions I get along with. I realized later how my mother did care for me so much but before I was offended by her dubious interrogation as if I have done something bad and that I was guilty.
     
  7. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    I agree with you. Before taking a decision based on surface knowledge of that 'best friend parents should take the trouble to find out more which is normally not done. And this can harm the child as they will wonder why their friend is not liked when nothing seems wrong with that person.
     
  8. tallulah

    tallulah Active Member

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    This is one of those times when parenting choices are not to be taken lightly. We have to know who our kids keep company with. Not because we don't trust them but because it just shows we are responsible parents who wants what's best for their kids. It also helps to immediately trace the time-line if anything goes wrong in a child's life like if they start acting up or even things like peer pressure, drugs, alcohol etc.
     
  9. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    There cannot be worse pressure than those from peers. They are believed like the gospel and it is therefore important that parents, as yu have rightly said, take pains to see that their kids pick friends that will influence them in a positive way. Without meaning to praise myself I remember a neighbour of ours wanted his daughter to visit us often as he said I would be a good influence.
     
  10. nangk08

    nangk08 Active Member

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    Yes, I do keep a watch on who my child is getting friendly with. If I know the parents already, then I don't have to be very careful as I am already familiar with the kids too. But if the parents are someone I have never met or only know by sight, then I do make it a point to know more about them, check with my child later what kind of games they play, what subjects they talk about, etc. It is important to know what kind of kids he is playing with as I don't want him to be friendly with kids who are much too advanced for their age.
     
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  11. Kieranlewix

    Kieranlewix Member

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    It is important for parents to know the kind of person their kid's best friend is. However, you have to accept that no matter how much you try to deliberate, only your kid knows why that particular boy/girl is their best friend. I'm sure some of us have had an experience where after conducting our research about our child's best friend, we concluded that he/she was a bad influence and told our kids to avoid hanging out with them. Despite best efforts, the kid couldn't agree. This is because only they know why they relate well with their friend.
     
  12. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    It is said one is known by the friends they keep. Peer pressure is the most influential among all other pressures. No matter how small the kids are friends do play a role in the development of a child's personality. Your approach in first knowing the parents is a wise move.
     
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  13. nangk08

    nangk08 Active Member

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    Thanks. I think the kids are really a reflection of what kind of parents they have. Recently, my son stopped playing with a boy and won't see him again, when I asked my son, he said that this boy keeps yelling at him and others for even the smallest of reasons and is prone to using abusive words. Then one day, I happened to see his father on the playground where he had brought his younger daughter to play. I observed him for some time and found that the father kept using abusive words even for the little girl when she could not climb up on the slide or fell down. It was then I realised that the boy only imitated his father! :rolleyes:
     
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  14. Heatman

    Heatman Active Member

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    Remember the saying, "Show me your friends and I would tell you who you are", "Birds of the same feathers flocks together". This is why it's very important for a parent to try as much as possible to keep track of their kids friends in order to know when they are likely to join the bad ones. My parents did a good job in getting to know my friends when I was still a teenager because it's that most delicate session in a kids development stage. So therefore, I'm doing it with my kids as well.
     
  15. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    Children take after their parents and believe that what their parents do is the way to go. Good that your son stopped that friendship. There are so many broken homes which environment is not good for children and those children do have issues while mixing around. I feel sorry for such kids.
     
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  16. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    I am glad you had your parents check on you and that culture you are now using for your own kids. It is extremely important that parents involve themselves right at the start when situations are easy to handle rather than the friendship takes root and difficult to have it severed.
     
  17. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    Though I might not check on the friends' background, I would like to know who their friends are and how they behave. Since my kids are still quite young now, I am very concern who their friends are and if they are learning some bad habits from their friends. It's good that they are with me all day long, hence I know who they are playing with, and glad that they always tell me about the conversations between them and their friends, so I get to correct them or discuss with them if there are any misconceptions from their friends.
     
  18. harijobs

    harijobs Member

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    I had a lot of friends in school and I only found my best friend only after entering college. And even now my mom doesn't approve of her but she is just an amazing girl who had taught me so much in life and we had a lot of good times, memorable times together. She is absolutely a good girl and doesn't have any bad habits yet my mom hates for being the two of us very close. She is like my sister and my hates that. I still don't know why. But when I bring her home my mom acts normal and she doesn't throw any hate on her directly but once she leaves we will have a big argument and a fight. When I ask my mom for a good reason to hate her she doesn't give one. I don't understand. :(
     
  19. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    Good that you are a home mom as they are called having enough time to watch over your kids. Small as they are they can still choose their friends and you will have understand on what basis they choose their friends and this will be helpful to you when they are on their own.
     
  20. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    Yes, I think it's really good that we know who the friends are, and it's even better if we know their friends too. I also always invite the friends to come and play with my kids in my house, so I can keep an eye on them. Though I don't really want to be too protective, I think friends play an important role to the kids, especially when they are young, hence I'd like to guide them when they are still young.

    Moreover, this also depends on the kids' personality. My eldest is not choosy at all with making friends, he can just play with almost anyone. But my second child who is a girl is more particular, she picks the people she wants to play with, hence I am not so worried about her picking up bad habits from friends at this moment.
     
  21. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    My mom always tried to get close to my friends when they come over, perhaps to see if they're good company for me. Although some parents don't seem to care.
     
  22. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    Peers and friends' influence plays a huge role in molding a child. It is therefore important that parents keep a vigil on who their kids move around. One can actually see a change in a child's behaviour - something they do which is not something that suits their personality and that is the time parents will know that the child is copying their friend.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2018
  23. Jason76

    Jason76 Active Member

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    I would be very cautious over who is my child's hangout gang. I mean, it seems like a lot of troubled lives revolve around bad crowds. Anyway, though, I wouldn't be over-strict, though. I mean, if the parent isn't any good, then the battle is lost there - even if he/she succeeds in keeping the child and/or teen controlled.

    Well, anyway, this seems to be a teen problem. I don't see a lot of damage coming to children.
     

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