How to deal with a shy child?

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by firstcry, Feb 18, 2017.

  1. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    I know a kid who is around 8-9 years old and he is too shy o interact with people. Whenever there is a guest or some other people in his house he won't come out of his room. I think he is somewhat very introvert and spend most of his time on drawings and reading books. He is indeed a gifted painter and in schools too he is a silent type and that is why teachers love him and often praise his behavior in the class.

    I wonder if this is something like an issue to take care of or should the parents leave him as he is? However, he is not a problematic kid and very obedient to his teachers and parents.
     
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  2. Taliska

    Taliska Active Member

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    There are shy children that don't speak to strangers, take time to get to know people, and hide behind their parents a lot, where they just need to be given time and support to develop confidence. The last thing you want to do with a child who is just shy or introverted (rather than having a disorder) is punish them for it. That will just make it worse.

    Refusing to come out of his room when guests are over sounds far beyond introvert and possibly into something like autism or asperger's. Have you asked his parents? They can probably tell you whether there is an issue and, if there is, what is being done to help the child. However it is family business, so if they don't want to discuss it I wouldn't push it.
     
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  3. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    In the principle of education, children are treated differently according to their manifested personality. I don't know if you have heard this differentiated medium of instruction based on the obvious traits of every child. This is what we call the multi-intelligence or MI. The child you have cited here is treated on the way he is acting or displaying the attitude of being a loner, of being an introvert. There are times that he could be exposed to public in an occasion but not all the time. Being a shy or an introverted personality is not actually a problem. The education given to him is based on his manifested behavior and he would surely excel on that.
     
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  4. kamai

    kamai Active Member

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    I can relate to that child as I was how he was and until this date I still am. I guess if he is a well behaved boy and find he is better off being alone then the parents shouldn't worry, that only means that he wants to focus on other things like you mentioned such as painting. I was very shy that most people that i was mad but I just didn't know how to start a conversation. I wasn't a troubled child that's just how I was and I liked to behave in school because I always tried to avoid any problems. We are all different but as parents we must try to find out if something is wrong too.
     
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  5. workingbuck

    workingbuck Active Member

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    I was the same when I was a kid, I wouldn't talk to anyone that I do not know but I'm pretty loud when it comes to people in the family. Whenever there are guests, I do not like them seeing me since I feel shy. I got used to it since my aunts would tell me that the visitors are their friends and they would just want to see me. I would go on and sit with them and answer questions that they ask me, later on I would feel a lot more comfortable with them and play with them. Maybe giving the kid some time with people other than those in the family would help getting rid of them being shy.
     
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  6. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    How to deal with a kid being shy is something I'd love to know! Pretty much like you @workingbuck I was pretty shy too, and now my younger kid acts the same, and sometime he even refused to greet people. He is just 7, and I know it will pass with age, but the main issue if the meanwhile. Infinite patience is the answer I suppose, along with some wise guidance. :)
     
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  7. tony

    tony Active Member

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    I think it's a very important thing to watch out for in our kids especially at that young age if they are showing signs of being shy. If a child is always reserved not coming fort to greet visitors or interact with others then parents should force them to change that attitude. A child could be negatively affected growing up a shy person as he may suffer some elements of inferiority complex before others.
     
  8. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    I was a shy kid when I was that age. In school, I wouldn't recite even if I know the answer because of my shyness. But my mother had a way of encouraging her children. It was always emphasized in our home that shyness is an indication of lack of confidence. That means the opposite is to build up confidence. When we children would do something good, we were praised by my mother up to the point that we feel proud of what we have done. I have noticed that my shyness was greatly lessened when I reached high school.
     
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  9. moondebi

    moondebi Member

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    The best way to deal with a shy child is to constantly remind him of his inner strength. Eventually he or she will come out of shyness. Parents and caregivers should be careful not to hurt a child's self esteem. This could further deteriorate the condition.
    Shyness is a very common condition for most of the children. Once they grow, shyness eventually subsides. I've seen some typically introvert children to transform into confident adults in due course.
     
  10. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    I am not really sure if being shy is the same as inferiority complex, to be honest I am not sure at all what it is! I do agree that parents should guide them to greet, it's a matter of education, but not force them because whenever we collide with a child, most of the times we all end up losing. We need to go down to the child level (or up :D) and try to speak their language in order to get the results we want.
     
  11. workingbuck

    workingbuck Active Member

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    I agree with @to7update about the proper guidance part since kids really need a lot of that. And I do think that in time, kids would definitely outgrow shyness based on my experience. Though there are a lot of kids who aren't shy given they are way younger than 7 years old. Telling them from time to time that they don't need to be shy when other people are around would help even a bit I think.
     
  12. Jasmin Cottontail

    Jasmin Cottontail Active Member

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    Since I was a kid, I wasn't the shy type. I was bold and witty and jolly. I talked to everyone even strangers, that's why my parents always tell me that I can be easily kidnapped when I was a little girl. Now that I've grown, whenever I encounter kids that are too shy to talk, or just plain shy, I talk to them and be friendly. I always smile and asked them questions until we'll have a conversation :)
     
  13. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    I think every child varies. Some are introverts while others aren't. As long as they are within the normal spectrum there is nothing to get worried.

    If in doubt one can always seek medical help. Otherwise talking constantly to such children helps. In fact, keeping a close eye on their drawing etc gives you a clue as what goes in their minds. They are often quite expressive on a piece of paper or their toys.
     
  14. tony

    tony Active Member

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    Although I am not trained in the field of psychology but I was made to understand one thing that could make people shy is when they think or believe they are not as good as the other person especially children. This is the reason why they may chose to be silent and let others dictate the pace. When I say force the child to change the attitude, what I mean they should channel energy in that direction to tactically work on the child psyche to changing the character.
     
  15. James McAllister

    James McAllister Kinacle Employee Staff Member

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  16. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    First of all thanks for all valuable advises given.

    In fact his parents do not seem to be that much concerned about this behavior. They always tell him to come out and sit with them when there is a guest or a stranger at home.

    As a first step I told them to let him sit beside them and don't compel him to speak. Once he overcome this first stage he will gradually gain confidence to interact with people. I also told them to praise him if he shows a positive movement and let him feel proud of it.

    I would like to add that he is no bad in his performance at school even though he is not the brightest one. I am sure with parent's support he can easily overcome this phase. What he needs is support from parents and somebody to encourage him to deal with it. The best way to defeat a fear is to face it.
     
  17. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    I think people are too quick to slap a label on kids or decide that there just must be some "disorder" or other. Too many kids are labeled and drugged, in my opinion. Some people are just shy. Some people become that way due to things that have occurred in their lives.

    I think talking to your child and trying to help them become more comfortable with socializing is the best avenue. I don't think forcing kids to socialize with people they don't want to socialize with is right. If they are uncomfortable with someone, there might be a reason for that.

    In the case above, the child sounds as if he may be gifted. Extremely bright, gifted, children are often "introverts" (if we must have a label).
     
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  18. to7update

    to7update Active Member

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    Yeah, I try to establish a dialogue with him when we are in private, understanding his reasons, why he is shy, and why he acts like that. Many times if we had the time to prepare and anticipate an event, the kid might respond properly. We can also try to bribe him with sweets of a toy! :D

    Thanks for sharing those links @James McAllister, I am heading there right now. ;)
     
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  19. workingbuck

    workingbuck Active Member

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    I do agree with the bribing LOL! I remember that's how my mom managed to make me act accordingly whenever we would go to our relatives. She usually bribes me with toys or she would promise to cook my favorite food. I love to eat a lot until now LOL!
     
  20. Mika

    Mika Active Member

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    There are different reasons for a child to behave that way. I know I was a shy type until I was 14-15 because I was taller and lean for my age which made me feel to self conscious that I wanted to stay away from rest of the people. I felt too shy while walking on the roads and always thought that everyone else was looking at me. But everything was fine once I started swimming and playing games regularly which gave me enough self-confidence. I think the only need is to bring confidence back in such children and divert their attention from that particular reason and nothing else.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
  21. pwarbi

    pwarbi Active Member

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    Instilling confidence in a child from an early age often helps, and means that a child won't grow up to be shy. I know a lot of people think that just because a child is quiet then they must be shy, but in my opinion those are two different things altogether. Growing up I was quiet and was more of a listener than a talker, but if I had something to say or an opinion...wanted to do something then I would and wouldn't care what other thought and I'm still that way now.

    A shy person or child lacks confidence, and will often find that they go along doing things just so they don't cause a fuss and don't become the centre of attention, and that can hold somebody back from doing what they really want, and especially a child. As a parent it's our responsibility to try and make sure that our children are confident and will speak out when they need to.
     
  22. firstcry

    firstcry Active Member

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    You are so true. This is the worst thing that we can do to a child. Some parents even go to the extent of comparing him/her with other children like neighbors or his co-students. It's really a pity that parents don't understand the basic fact that every kid is unique and comparing him with with others can adversely affect his confidence.

    Also as you rightly pointed out parents should keep a friendly relation with kids so that they can approach parents for anything. In today's world it is very necessary as child related crimes are on the rise. If a kid is not open for his parents he may not even approach them to discuss any issues he is facing and sometimes it may be of serious nature. The best way to communicate with a kid is to see things from a kid's point of view.
     
  23. thisnthat

    thisnthat Active Member

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    There are different reasons for being shy. I think trying to uncover the reasons is probably the most useful step in trying to help a child overcome shyness.

    Gifted children can be another issue altogether. My kids are all very bright. One who was in the gifted program at school was outgoing. Very outgoing. Another who is currently in that program is very shy. She'd simply rather learn, explore, experiment, do artwork, than socialize. She doesn't find most kids her age to be at her level (not that she's haughty about it, just that they don't have much in common), so she just doesn't talk to them much. She's more likely to socialize with adults than other kids, unless it's to play some board games or card games.
     

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