When do you start allowing sleepovers?

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Taliska, Jan 27, 2017.

  1. Taliska

    Taliska Active Member

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    At what age would you allow your toddler to have a sleepover with a friend? I'm not talking about when the whole family goes away, but when the toddler gets to sleep in a house where his parents aren't.

    We probably started younger than most would, but then his best friend lives next door, so his parents and us rigged up nannycams in the toddlers' rooms on a secured shared wi-fi so we could both keep an eye on them, whichever house they were in. That way we could let them have playtime upstairs while we had an adult chat downstairs, put the toddlers to bed and then let them sleep rather than waking them both to move one of them next door. (My parents did the same thing but that involved 100 feet of wire strung between three gutters).
     
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  2. AngelaMc

    AngelaMc Active Member

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    I started allowing sleepovers when my son was in Grade School, his friends from the neighborhood or friends from school would stay at each other's houses. They weren't left unattended though, we were there to supervise.

    Usually they always wanted us to make homemade pizza, have soda and chips on hand, and have a lot of good movies for them to watch. They had a blast.:)
     
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  3. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    Based on my experience, it is 4 years old at least, for a child to be allowed sleepovers. But take note that the sleepover is in a relative's house or the house of a close friend. Even in the neighbor, I don't see it healthy to allow your kid for a sleepover. And another thing, your kid should be very comfortable with the child in the house otherwise a quarrel might erupt and you can imagine the situation of feeling helpless of your child when you are not around.

    When we were young, my father would often bring me to his aunt's house (I call her grandma) who would dote on me and beg my father to let me sleep there. Sometimes I would be staying in my grandma's house for a week and it was lots of fun simply because grandma was always by my side, looking after me. But if that was not the case, I don't think my father would allow me to stay there overnight.
     
  4. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    Well this is an interesting one. I know that with our first born we were very hesitant, but then it was a lot easier with our second. That said, though, we also knew a lot more about her friends though, so that might have factored into it now that I think about it.
     
  5. Decentlady

    Decentlady Active Member

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    I can't even imagine leaving a young child under somebody else's custody even if had all sorts of monitoring.

    I rather be next to kids than allowing any sort of an accident that I would end up regretting for the rest of my life.

    Call me conservative or possessive but it's a no no for me leaving such young child away from my eyes. I just don't trust anyone anymore.
     
  6. James McAllister

    James McAllister Kinacle Employee Staff Member

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    Lots of factors - the personality of the child, the people who'd they be staying with, my relationship and trust with that person, etc.

    I'd let my kids stay over at my parents as soon as they wanted to and I felt they could make it through the night without me (although you'd be surprised how often first sleepovers end with their parents picking them up as bedtime approaches or even in the middle of the night, hahaha.)

    With people I'm not as familiar with, even if my kid is great friends with theirs, I'd be a lot more weary. Of course, you could always make your house so awesome that everyone wants to have their sleepovers at your place instead. :emoji_smile:
     
  7. workingbuck

    workingbuck Active Member

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    Well, I would agree with @James McAllister, it would depend on who the kid would be staying. I might allow my kids for a sleep over only if they would be spending the night with their cousins. It was the same for me growing up, I had the chance to do sleep overs with my friends when I was already in high school. And that only happened because I sneaked out.
     
  8. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    My granddaughter started to have sleepovers at quite an early age but I always knew the parents and we would talk in length about bedtime rules. She had always stayed with her other nanny and never got homesick so I never had a problem with her wanting to come home. She has had many sleepovers in her time and is consequently very confident when she is away on school trips or Girl Guide camping trips as long as she has her bedtime bunny! I actually think it's good for children to be away from their main carer from an early age as long as you know they are safe.

    However I think a lot of it is down to personality. I hated being away from home as a child and so did my daughter. We are both still like that now and like to be in our own beds!
     
  9. Holmes22

    Holmes22 Active Member

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    This was a tough one, as I am sure it is for every parent out there. We were pretty lucky as having good friends who had kids the same age so sleepovers there were no big deal and we kind of eased into the idea.
     
  10. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    Same here. I don't know if I am too protective, but I still can't let my kids sleepover at friends' house even my eldest is 9 years old now. I don't even feel comfortable to let my kids play at my friends' house without me being there. So, I always invite other kids to come to my house and play, I don't mind taking care of them when their parents are not around.

    The only people I feel comfortable with are my parents and my parents-in-law, or perhaps my siblings too. Other than these people, I don't think I will let my kids sleepover at their house now, at least not until they are teenagers. I would still prefer the other kids to come to my house for sleepover.
     
  11. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    I think those teenage years are the time we need to start worrying! I remember my son saying he was staying over at a friend's house when he was around 13. I don't know why but I had a feeling he wasn't telling the truth so I checked with the parents and sure enough they knew nothing about it. It turned out that he and a few friends had planned on camping out in the woods! Than goodness I have a suspicious nature and was able to put a stop to it!!
     
  12. kaka135

    kaka135 Active Member

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    But that was so fun to go camping in the woods! If he asked you for permission, would you allow him to do so?

    My elder brother went camping with his friends too, but I think it's older than 13, and many of my friends went camping when we were over 15 years old. My parents didn't allow me to stay over or go camping, hence I didn't have those great experiences. They didn't mind to pick me up if we had party at night, but they didn't like me to stay over at friends' house. Perhaps they were more worried as I was a girl. :p
     
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  13. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    He was quite a wayward child and the place he wanted to go was not really safe as there had been a few attacks there. It wasn't really very close to home either and it was in the early 90s before children had phones. He did go camping with the boy cubs in a supervised environment and I was quite happy for him to do that. My daughter was always a home bird and never really wanted to be away from home much .. children are all so different in their needs.
     
  14. tallulah

    tallulah Active Member

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    In my opinion (meaning this is what I would do with my own child), a child should only be allowed to sleep over at a friends house from age 11. At this age, they are very much aware of what is right and wrong, and they know all about growing up and all that comes with being a pre-teen. If the sleepover was at a immediately family, then I guess I wouldn't be too concerned about the sleep over age.
     
  15. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    I am always alarmed whenever I encounter that word wayward in describing a child. My eldest nephew is like that and I used to describe him as a child with criminal instinct when he was just 4 or 5 because his behavior was always inclined to the negative. He is so happy when he could make other children cry. He would always steal something and try to tell lies all the time. At age 4, that is really alarming. Unfortunately, the parents did nothing to change the ways of the boys. I don't want to elaborate but his wayward behavior ruined his future.
     
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  16. littlewitch66

    littlewitch66 Active Member

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    My son ruined his life too. He was very bright and could have done well in life but he chose to take drugs and drink. He's 36 now and is a bit better. He works and although he doesn't take drugs now he still drinks too much in my opinion.

    He wasn't spiteful as a young child but he started to steal at around 9 or 10 and was getting into trouble with the police by the age of 13. He had no regard for us, his parents, or the police, he just went his own way. I really don't know if there was anything else we could have done but we did try.
     
  17. tyche

    tyche Active Member

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    No, I will never allow toddlers to sleep over at their friend's house or even at our trusted friend's house, they're too young to even be left in the care of others.
     
  18. Hoor

    Hoor New Member

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    I am not a parent but I think when the kids are big enough to know what is good and what is right at that age you should allow your child for sleepovers
     
  19. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    With the present state of the world with the pandemic I guess a sleepover is now stricken off in the list of needs and wants. Even kids are needed to be taught about the new society that we are now isolationists. That means there is no more contact or close encounter with other people except the family. This is the sad state of our condition now, no more, no less.
     
  20. Nocturnal Writer

    Nocturnal Writer Active Member

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    Kids really like to sleepover with their peers but not all. We have a 7-year old granddaughter who is friendly and love to be in company of her friends.

    I remember one occasion that we bring her to her best friend's house just for a visit for her BF's mother is a closed friend of my wife.

    Now when we're about to go home she didn't go with instead she wanted to stay and join her friend in a sleep. We know how excited the kid but we didn't grant her bid.

    But to her closed relatives, we allowed her to sleep over for a day or so. And we noticed how happy is she.
     
  21. iamawriter

    iamawriter Active Member

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    I would not recommend any 'toddler' assuming a toddler here is not older than say six or seven. Sleepovers are for bigger children and I have great memories of such sleepovers.
     
  22. Alexandoy

    Alexandoy Well-Known Member

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    In a phone conversation with my wife's sister yesterday, she said that sleepover is not recommended by their child psychologist (she works in a hospital) because it can give a wrong impression to the child of the leniency of the parents. An overnight camping is good but it is much different than a sleepover since camping is held in another place that is neutral. Maybe she has a point in that because sleeping in the home of a friend is not the same as camping.
     
  23. mildredtabitha

    mildredtabitha Member

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    I think the best age to allow sleepovers is 10 years.Whereby children are starting to understand the consequence of their actions and how to take responsibility. Allowing your child to have sleepovers when they are young like 5 years is just not good since they are used to depending on their parents.
     

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